Luísa was 1,5 years old here
When I was pregnant I knew I would want to breastfeed my baby. Before my baby was born, I was decided that I would do it for at least one year.
Breastfeeding for one year was the obvious choice for me. As soon as I started reading books on maternity I started to stumble upon information on when to stop breastfeeding. I was very fond of the book “What to Expect When You Are Expecting”, which is really good for several things but for breastfeeding advice it sucks.
This book will advise you to quit after one year. The main reason it gives is that it´s “easier “ to go through the weaning process around the first birthday of the child. Well, that´s a lame reason. Especially because I found the benefits of extended nursing much more compelling.
Doing a quick google research with the phrase “When to stop breastfeeding”, which is probably what I typed two years ago, I landed on lots of web sites advising women to breastfeed only for the first 12 months of the baby´s life. Unfortunately, I believe many women that don´t find a good source right away and have no support from friends and family (frequent) probably quit breastfeeding before one year.
For a quick view of the benefits of breastfeeding for extended periods (meaning over a year – which should be considered minimum) I´ll quote La Leche League: “ All the benefits of human milk—including nutritional and health—continue for as long as your baby receives your milk. In fact, as your baby takes less human milk, these advantages are condensed into what milk is produced. Many of the health benefits of human milk are dose related, that is, the longer the baby receives human milk, the greater are the benefits.”
This knowledge, that the longer the baby receives the human milk, the greater are the benefits is what kept me going the most. There was also the pleasure it gave me, the bonding, the easy way of putting Luísa to sleep or simply calming her down, but when I, for instance, was afraid of my breasts sagging (a myth, you can check on a study that shows that smoking and the number of pregnancies are the main cause for breast sagging) I would think of the healthy benefits and keep going.
Well, I also found out that the mother is greatly benefited as well, the longer you breastfeed, the more you decrease your chances of some sorts of cancer (ovarian, uterine, endometrian and osteoporosis as well), among other benefits.
Here she was 2 and I didn´t take any more pics of us breastfeeding after this
Oh no, the hidden agenda again
After reading, thinking and experiencing so much of breastfeeding I started to realize that there are some truths behind all the public information given to us. If the World Health Organization advises that children breastfeed for two years, than it´s almost implicit to think that women should work less. But it´s not what´s encouraged at all.
Obviously women working less goes against the society paradigm of productivity at the expense of extinguishing the resources. As a modern society, we need all women working and consuming and being an active part of the cycle (endless productivity and consumption).
Yeah, I know you can pump out milk in a bottle, but I believe that much more women end up losing their milk stock because of stress or get very unmotivated than we find women actually pumping out their milk during their 9-5 jobs.
All this information given to woman to stop breastfeeding in one year or less, I don´t know, it´s just weird.
I don´t mean to judge women that decided to quit breastfeeding early. Each woman will have her own reasons to do things. Unfortunately, many will also find lame sources of information and not many people to count on for support, if they live in a big city.
I just want to point out that in our modern society, long-term breastfeeding (although proven to be the best for both mother and child´s health) is discouraged.
Long-term breastfeeding is not an option for many women that need to work full time to support their children.
If the governments were to really support breasfeeding as a measure to enhance the public health, they would have to stimulate women breastfeeding to work less. Now that, my friends, it´s impossible to see in a money-profit-based society in which we live in. Except for countries like Norway and Sweeden where maternity leave can last two years (but I´m afraid, the reason for that is to increase the birthrate and guarantee the future work force).
So much of what we should know about our health and how we could make our life better will simply never be displayed like that, just because it´s of the interest of everyone. We have to seek for the real information and share it like in a black market.
Enough of bitching about how the world is ruled, let me keep in my personal breastfeeding story here.
how amazing it is to see how babies grow up in the first six months just out of our milk
When Luísa was 2,5 years old, she still depended on breastfeeding to take a nap. I couldn´t imagine our lives without the boobs. How would this kid sleep after all? Would I depend on car or bike rides everyday to make her sleep? My deepest fear was eliminating the nap all together. How about that lovely 1,5 hours of arms free in the afternoon?
Well, one day something happened that made me want to quit. I met a guy. The first time I met him, Luísa clinged to my boobs right away and for the first time I felt uncomfortable with it. It was a sign for me.
I didn´t know if I was going to get that guy, but it sure made me wonder if it wasn´t time to stop breastfeeding. Be freer to go out and date and not have to offer my boob within a defined number of hours.
As shallow as this reason might have been, it was something for me to stick to, since before this I couldn´t even picture myself not breastfeeding. I was afraid I would keep at it for a couple of years more, maybe ban myself to an eastern country where children breastfeeding at the age of four is common. Well, I was starting to want to quit.
So I quit the day breastfeeding cold turkey. No more boob to put Luísa to sleep. Just like that. One day I meet a gorgeous guy, the next week I quit 3-4 daily sessions and start to breastfeed only in the morning.
I figured I could keep breastfeeding once a day until she was three years old, because well, I was so informed about the benefits that I thought the longer I could hold to this, the better. Finally when we were one week away from her third birthday I did it, I quit completely.
Which strategy I used to quit
As I mentioned, I first cut the few times a day to only once. My boobs hurt for three days and were super full in the morning, but then they went back to normal.
One week before cutting it completely, I made an acting show to Luísa a few times with the characters talking about how the mama had to stop breastfeeding and how much she enjoyed it but it was time to move on.
Using lime on the nipples helped us go through a smooth transition. I had expected it to be hard, but having made my mind probably made this all easier.
What I feared the most became true – no more naps
Cutting the afternoon breastfeeding session did make Luísa very unsettled to take a nap. We´ve been through months that she might take a nap or might not. And contrary to my beliefs, this wasn´t bad at all. I was so programmed to stay at home in the afternoon to wait for her nap and now I have completely different days, where we can do things out at what was nap time before.
As for nap management, it´s been great. Some days she will sleep and when she doesn´t, I like it even better because it means early night.
No nap = bed time at 8pm
Afternoon nap = bed time at 10pm
How about you? For how long did you breastfeed or intend to do so?
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this! Miss M is going on 2 and we are still going strong on the boob. Although some days I just feel like giving up .. I want my boobs to myself again! But it will come soon, when I make that decision fully.
You know I think it is interesting what you say about our society and breast feeding, and women not getting enough support or correct info. I also think MANY women don’t understand that breast feeding is NOT all or nothing. Many women believe that if they work full-time then breast feeding is out the window all together, meaning they will HAVE to give a bottle and that is it. They accept it and move on, and quit breast feeding. Where they don’t realize or haven’t been informed that they can breast feed their babies on their schedules and make it work. SO if they work 9-5 .. they can give boobies in the morning and at night, not pump during the day and give a bottle in that period. Any mama milk is better than NONE. But we have been taught so .. to chose either the breast or bottle and that is it. One or the other, black or white and NO grey!
I have significantly cut down and now breast feeding Miss M, is mostly on my terms. Some days I just don’t feel like have my boobs twiddled with for 15 minutes. Some days I do
But like you said most of it is out of fear of .. How am I going to get her to sleep when we stop .. !!!!!
I know we will figure it out . and yes I can’t wait to have my boobs back, but until then I will soak up that special bonding moment with her
Tanya
That´s right, I didn´t think of the “grey” option either, that´s nice that you are bringing this up. It´s true, for four months I breastfed Luísa only in the mornings, I guess we could have kept it going if I still wanted to, but it was time for me to quit.
I was super afraid of having hell from Luísa at sleep time with no boobs, but it turned out fine. But it´s one of those things, it doesn´t matter people telling you it will be easy and all until you do it yourself. When you do quit it will be doubble celebration: having breastfed for a good while and having your body back to yourself.
I believe in breastfeeding my children long-term and love all the support I have had with this. But in order to have the support, I had to make a big effort to be proactive and find it. Unfortunately, there is not as much support for extended breastfeeding as I think there should be.
I breastfed my son until he was almost 4. The day we stopped, we had a huge “big boy” celebration and went out to eat at a pancake house. It was fun, he got chocolate-chip waffles.
I still breastfeed my daughter, who will be 3 in January. She refers to my boobs as “nursies,” haha. Because I have been so tired and having some health issues, I am starting to cut down on nursing and only nurse her around nap time. I think I’ll probably do some pretty big cleanses to clean toxins out from my body and I want her to be completely done with nursing so she doesn’t get all that yucky stuff from my breastmilk. In the meanwhile, I have been giving her “nursey-hugs” and talking to her about how her older brother stopped nursing when he became a “big boy.” That has been helpful, but still it isn’t easy.
I remember that when my grandma had children, her doctor told her she didn’t have any milk to feed them with. At the time, formula companies were advertising baby formula pretty heavily and a lot of women were either discouraged from nursing or didn’t want to nurse as a status symbol. (The people who could afford to buy baby formula were wealthier and everyone wanted to look wealthy). It was the “poor woman” who nursed her baby. My grandma didn’t have a lot of money and so she made her own milk out of evaporated milk and corn syrup-yuck!
Formula companies target women in different countries, especially poorer ones, to make them think that baby formula is the better choice. In some countries, women have mixed the formula with contaminated water that has killed and made babies very sick.
I think that the lack of breastfeeding information is pushed by the formula companies, who want to make money. The more women who breastfeed, the less money they make.
Anyways, keep up the good work with breastfeeding, mamas everywhere!
Congratulations for nursing your children for so long Beth! In a world where the corporations hold all the information we could be receiving from the benefits of extended nursing, women who do it deserve the recognition for the good they are doing.
Not only your children receive the best that their mom can give, but your friends and neighboors get more familiar with this blessing as well, making it less of a tabu of the modern society.
I planned on breastfeeding but we had unfortunate complications during my daughters birth that led to health issues preventing me from being able to. I support women’s right to breast feed as long as they feel it is best for their children, but almost every article I’ve read supporting extended breast feeding came off very judgemental, refusing to agknowledge that there are legitimate reasons why women may quit sooner or not breastfeed at all. These women I talked to or articles I read demanded they be given the right to do what they felt was best with their breasts without being criticized and judged, but without extending that same right to women who choose something different. I had countless women after seeing me give my daughter a bottle come tell me I was a bad mother, or how unfortunate it was that I didn’t love her enough to give her the best without having any knowledge about our situation at all.
That having been said, I was pleasantly surprised by your article, I thought it was well thought out and honest, highlighting the advantages of breast feeding without being demening to women who don’t. Also, I very much enjoyed hearing your story. Thank you.
Thank you, Jenna. That´s nice to see that my article doesn´t hurt women that for one reason or another don´t breastfeed for long.
That´s a pitty that you were so criticized like that. All mothers should support each other above anything. One thing I learned when I was being looked down by people when I was breastfeeding a big girl is exactly this: to not criticize other mom´s choices. Even when we are most certain our choice is the best, we can´t possibly know all there is in the other´s lives that makes them act differently.
I’m currently still breastfeeding my one year old son and working a full time job. I am slowly starting the weaning process but he still gets half my milk in the process. Recently my son caught a cold and now we are going back to just the breast again. I want to continue to breastfeed but hate pumping, it really does make the experience suck! He deserves the best that he can get so I continue to do but its just not the same I really wish I worked closer to home so I could just go home and breastfeed him and not have to worry about pumping. I envy your decision to give your daughter the best possible start in life – do you work? Just curious because I feed my son in the morning before I leave and them I have to pump twice while at work and then I breastfeed him again before he goes to bed. How many times a day did you feed your daughter and do you feed her solids as well?
I was teaching private Portuguese classes and managing my time pretty much how I wanted. I know I was really lucky to be able to do that. I also live in a small town where you can get anywhere in less than 15 minutes, so it was really easy for me to keep breastfeeding.
During the second and and third years, my daughter was breastfeeding 3 to 5 times at free demand, (morning, mid-morning, before nap and before sleeping, sometimes another one in between, sometimes skiping one). After her fifth month, she started with solids and after one year, she was having pretty much all the solid meals.
Chrystyna, I tottaly understand how hard this must be for you working full time and without the chance to meet your son in the day. But even if you quit breastfeeding, this doesn´t necessarily need to keep you from bonding and making feeding an intimate, focused time with your baby.
Please read this article: Beyond Bottles And Breasts – The Key To Whole Baby Nourishment as it talks about how connecting with our babies is the most important thing all mothers (breastfeeding or formula-feeding) can do.
Chystyna, I thought I would add my 2 cents in. My daughter is 2.4 years old and I breastfed her up until one month ago. I am very good friends with Marilia, and had the opportunity to raise my daughter for the first 16 months of her life in small town Brazil, I too, had a flexible job where I was able to breast feed easily, but since being back in the USA (the last 7 months) and listening and seeing how things are here, I understand how difficult it is. I cant imagine pumping nonstop
But remember .. it is NEVER all or nothing .. if you are burnt out on pumping and it is making you tired and resentful, stop pumping slowly, transition him to solids and cow/soy milk .. ( i promise after a few days he will adjust) and just save those special times for one on one contact .. such as mornings and evenings .. that is what I did with my little girl, and it saved us, and me .. from being crazy, tired, I cant do this anymore mom!!! 
And I promise, your boobies will adjust too! If anything, always remember it is NEVER all or nothing!! YOU MAKE UP WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, THINK SANITY!! 
Hope that helps… Good Luck!
Tanya
I also remembered that for four months I was breastfeeding only once a day, maybe that´s the way to go, before weaning him completely. You don´t need to pump milk, just breastfeed him once a day.
I just found your blog and am in love!!I am currently nursing and unschooling ( and APing) our 3 year old Kaya. You have summed up why extended nursing ROCKS!!
Thanks Kiran, and I love the name Kaya too.
If I only breastfeed once a day won’t my milk get concentrated? Thats really my concern with the weaning process. I’m letting him wean himself at this point but I pump because I don’t want any issues either. When you weaned you just stopped you didn’t have to pump at all?
Chrystyna, as far as I know, no, your milk won´t get concentrated, your milk production is always balanced and adjusted to the demand (the times you breasfeed). When I weaned completely my daughter I just stopped (after 4 months breasfeeding once a day), that´s the only way to stop the milk production, if you keep pumping, you won´t stop it. If you´re letting your son wean by himself, than I´d suggest you stop pumping, when your son stops breastfeeding (or when you decide to quit), than you´ll naturally stop producing milk.
You can find more accurate information on weaning here: http://www.llli.org/faq/weanhowto.html
I hope this helps!
Thank you so much I do appreciate the response and the link it helps.
It’s nice to see others in support of this long term BFing.
My b/b twins are 16 months old and I am still tandem breast feeding them 3 x day. These 3 times are seriously the highlight of my day! I love the bonding and kissing the tops of their yummy little heads. I love the way they look up at me with their big brown eyes. I love tickling them and hearing them giggle with my boob still in their mouth.
I love asking them “Who wants Cafe Yum Yum?” and seeing their delighted smiles as they squeal and walk over to the bed.
It wasn’t always this way. In the beginning it was very, very HARD. I wanted to quit so many days. I took it day by day with no ‘end date’ in mind. Just one more day.
Now, I don’t know when I will stop. I love it, they love it. I am a SAHM, so it’s easy for all of us. I am lucky.
I wish more mothers would keep on going. It’s such a beautiful thing.
Nice to know a mom going long term with two at the same time. Now, that´s a story to encourage others
This is the only thing I’ve found that made me feel any better! (insert a long whine with my cheese here). Babes is 22 months now and I really intellectually have no problem with long term breast feeding, I want to keep going. But I really really am starting to hate it. Wee man is totally adamant more of the day than not that we sit around and have a boob fest. I’m pregnant and I’m wanting a bit of space to contemplating the place that the newbie will need at my boobs – and maybe have a couple of months of “freedom”… My partner is also always the scapegoat when I’ve had enough and send him on a freedom (for me) walk with the sad, booby-sad baby. I just don’t feel like it’s quite fair. I have a hard time getting him to eat because of the lure of the booby so dad ends up being the one who plies him with food as well. It seems to create more strife than peace.
I guess even someone who is devoted to the errand has to stop sometime….
Wow!!!!!!!! Two kids at same time!!! Im proud of you! And happy to have read this article.
and I dont want it, she neither. Am on part time. But even for thouse two days my family thretens me to not look after my girl cause she gonna cry without my boob… My working hours include naps (6-14 or 18-02) Im scared what to do jobwise (am loneparent). Any suggestion would appreciate.
My girl is almost 1y, but ALL around me just keep on telling me to stop
I was an older Mom and I breastfed my last 2 (of 4) children. The first 2 had health issues that required them to remain at the hospital. We were out of country and I had no support. I nursed my last baby until his 3rd birthday and am so thankful to have done that. I had to hide it from everyone for the critizm was abundant. I remember I thought I was being so careful at hiding the nursing and then a Mom from storyhour at the library brought me a LaLeache League book, Nursing Your Older Child.Toddler. How embarrassing, but a good book. So, keep nursing those babies. I wish I’d had more. I have several older kids that have come to me thru private arrangements. They sure could have benefitted from the nursing and holding that my birth kids had. It makes a difference.
I enjoyed reading your experience because I found it similar to mine in many ways. When I had my daughter I struggled to breastfeed and because I did not have much support for doing it and I was ill-informed about it, I started to supplement her with bottles and everything started to go down hill from there. My milk supply decreased of course because I wasn’t nursing her much, and I ended up giving up after 6 weeks. I felt sad, very sad and guilty about not breastfeeding here. I swore to myself that if I had another child I would educate myself more on breastfeeding and then try harder and seek help if I needed it. So when I got pregnant with my son, I did just that. I read and educated myself and surrounded myself with Mom-friends that breastfeed. Once again, breastfeeding was hard for me and it did not come easily. But I stuck with it and was determined. I sought out help from friends, doctors etc. and I refused to supplement. During the first few weeks I was just nursing and pumping around the clock……but it worked….and we got the hang of it…..and I breastfeed him, until he was 4. It was an amazing experience that he and I had together, a bond that was different than my daughter and I. I am so glad I stuck with it and I also did not listen to anyones advice on giving up or stopping when he was 1 or 2….I knew we would stop when we were ready, and at age 4, he was ready.
How lovely to read the article and comments. I breast fed my first son for 4 days as I Was very ill mentally after him. I got lots of support with my daughter and Was determined. She is 3 1/2 and I stopped 2 days ago. She has a terrible bug and I Was wanting to stop. I said it Would make her ill. We read Mr men books now to go to sleep. I have been reading stuff as feel a little sad though I know its the right time. Well for me anyway. Think she Would carry on for ever but feel I have done as much as I can do.I worked part time from a year after she Was born. My partner looked after her when I Was at work and she accepted a bottle. We always mixed fed as he gave her a bottle at night. I agree that there is not enough encouragement of mixed feeding which can enable much longer term breast feeding as the work can be shared .x
Loved the article: found support for the fact that I am still breast feeding my 3 year old son Aman. I work full time and breast feeding did not come in the way of my work. Even since Aman was 6 month old, he could have breast milk in evenings, nights and throughout the day during weekends….interesting my body also adjusted to different routines of week days and week ends! When I travel without him (that I started only when he was 2), I find it somewhat uncomfortable at nights but still I manage by pressing milk out.
While medically only 2% of women may not be able to feed, I have come across several women who are told by doctors to quit when women feel that they are not producing enough milk (which is actually just a feeling in most cases)….i am also from a developing country where there are public govt. propaganda to support breast feeding but pvt nursing home/ doctors seldom counsel women on breast feeding…..there are hardly any feeding rooms in stations/ malls/ airports etc….
Very well written and I like your website and approach
My son just turned 3 and I was planning to quit breastfeeding…however something inside me wants to go on for few more months….
Whenever you are in India please let me know…it would be great to connect
Shweta
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