Once you travel far enough to be away for time enough to feel a big change, it´s just hard to go back home. Especially if you started to feel that the new place was home too and that back home is a weird combination of words.
It´s been 4 months since my 5-year old and I are back in Brazil after spending 1,5 years in Costa Rica, and finally I´m starting to feel more like home again.
I´m slowly thinking less obsesively about traveling again. A month ago, I was still checking flights24.com to go to Costa Rica and Chile and imagining ways to raise the money to leave again.
I kept thinking how from the northeast of Brazil I should get to the Caribbean by sea. And it´s too bad that it´s more expensive to travel by cargo ship than flying. Basically, I need 1000 dollars a head to fly and would need 1200 dollars (a head) to go by cargo ship and take 12 days more instead.
I found it really hard to adapt back home. Luísa got super attached to me during this transition and I wasn´t having much support to have us appart a few hours a week to have some time for myself. And it was tough to think of not seeing my good friends from Costa Rica anytime soon.
It´s probably having her back at school for 4 hours in the afternoons that made me more relaxed and with time to spend on work and fun on my own.
The problem with going home is that the place we left felt like home too. I miss Costa Rica a lot and still hear once in a while Luísa tell me that she wants to go back there.
I miss her Waldorf kindergarten, but luckly, Luísa has been really enjoying her local kindergarten, always ready to go there without complainning and coming back home singing happily.
I also got used to making new friends on the road and found it difficult to make new friends in a place where I already know a lot of the people, even though I am close to a few of them. Going back to things as they were is quite strange.
But after a coupple of months feeling torn appart about where to be and live, I decided to put my thoughts and energy in the new-old place of mine. I managed to make new friends and make plans for work in the high season of my touristy town. Luckily we have a new neighboor that has a horse (with Luísa in the picture in our yard).
I was frustrated that I had to stop the Salsa classes in Costa Rica I found before leaving, but now the dancing gap has been fully replaced with hip hop classes and surf more often.
So, the problem with going home was about not accepting the change I had decided for myself. But now, I am fully commited to make our old place a new place (growing my own food is definitely a big advantage of being in one place still and quit the moving around) and for now, Costa Rica will remain as place to visit when the right time comes.